From a 1954
short story, “5,271,009”, by Alfred
Bester in Twenty Years of the Magazine of
Fantasy and Science Fiction, 1970):
“I am
bad,” Mr. Aquila said in a voice chilling of desperation. “I am rotten. There
is no place in my home that can tolerate me. And there are moments, unguarded
when my sickness and my despair fill my eyes and strike terror into your
waiting souls. As I strike terror into you now, Yes?”
Halsyon
nodded again.
“Be
guided by me. It was the child in Solon Aquila that destroyed him and led him
into the sickness that destroyed his life. Oui. I too suffer from baby
fantasies from which I cannot escape. Do not make the same mistake. I beg you.
…Time to make up your mind, old bourbon and soda. Which will it be? Old face or
pretty face? The reality of dreams or the dream of reality?”
In the
story we meet Mr. Aquila, who we learn is actually the Devil. He visits the
artist Halsyon and offers him a choice: He can either accept life as it is and
make the millions of decisions human beings typically make during the course of
their lives—decisions based on a clear understanding of himself and his place
in the world—or he can continue to lead a life of self-deception and childish fantasies.
In other words he has the choice to see who he is—warts and all—or to carry on
being blissfully ignorant.
The fantasies
Halyson* employs to delude himself are common to many of us. For example, he
fantasizes that he is the last man alive on earth, or the last fertile man, or he daydreams about going
back in time while retaining his knowledge of the future, or he imagines a future
where he fights heroically against injustice and is martyred for his efforts (with
a happy ending of course), and so on. It is an inner life and a belief system that
shields him from having to make hard choices.
The Devil
asks Halsyon to choose an “old face”, one suitable for someone who grows old
and experiences the struggles of life, and who lives honestly and directly
without illusions—or he can choose a “pretty” face, instead. He must decide
whether to live in the hard scrabble, real world as a fully-formed adult, with
all the difficulties and pain that entails or to remain in the comfortable—but
ignorant—world of his dreams and childish illusions. Either way, he will have no
memory of meeting Mr. Aquila.
In the
end Halsyon chooses the “hard way” of living, making the “2,635,505th”
decision of his life, or just over half of the allotted choices left to him in
his life, as the story’s title suggests.
Bester’s
tale reminded me “Old Women” by M. John Harrison, a short story from his
collection Things That Never Happen,
written in 2002. The story reworks Wilde’s “The Portrait of Dorian Grey,” and it
is told through an unnamed narrator who, like Halsyon, has never ‘grown up’. The
narrator lives his life as a ‘wannabe’—a
wannabe writer, academic, lover, friend, neighbour and just about any role you can
name. His ‘bête noir’ is Ashman, a friend from university, who is an actual writer. He is envious of Ashman,
even as he is critical of everything the man has accomplished. Ashman lives his
life, dedicated to his craft, and as a consequence, he is older, shabbier, worn
down by life and living. He has an “old face”, as Mr. Aquila would have it.
This contrasts with the narrator who has kept himself apart from life’s rigors,
and retains an unnaturally youthful appearance (and immaturity).
By the
story’s end the narrator has run afoul of his older landlady, who is in love
with him. She reacts with anger when he refuses to commit to her as a lover or even
as a friend. He remains equivocal, aloof and yet available, and their
relationship only serves to confuse and torment her. We see that any
relationship he forms will be unsatisfying, even harmful, to others. He is an
empty vessel, a cracked cup of no use to anyone. Self-absorbed as always, we
leave him at the story’s end musing about how he thought he was older than he
actually was….
* “Halyson”, I assume is Bester’s
play on the word “halcyon”, which, according to Merriam-Webster is “characterized
by happiness, great success, and prosperity: golden—often used to describe
an idyllic time in the past that is remembered as better than today; the halcyon
days of youth,” which is
in keeping with Halyson who lives a life of unreality and self-deception.
...........
I was at the laundromat today and a chap began
a conversation about the recent antics of the American president. We talked a
bit about whether Trump would win in 2020. I said I thought he would be
re-elected, and the conversation turned to his concerns about the future and
what it might hold for his grandchildren. He said he was worried about whether they
would have good paying jobs, a stable society and so on. I agreed that in the
future, jobs and security such as we had growing up would be less available to
them; life would indeed be harder and more precarious. As I left, I made a joke,
saying that I hoped Trump wouldn’t start WWIII before he crashed the economy.
……….
I had
written about the above two short stories some time ago, and they came to mind as
I reflected on my conversation with the man in the laundromat. The importance of the choices an individual makes in life is clear
from the outcomes of both stories. So, too, in life. But care and caution,
deliberation and determination are necessary to make choices that allow us to
fully realize lives that are worth living. The problem is these qualities often are underutilized when we come to make those serious decisions that shape such things as our relationships, our work, or our futures.
As he was watching his laundry spin, the man, a retiree from Sudbury, mentioned he felt, “young people these days” want everything
right away; they’re impatient, and can’t ‘spend the time to make the dime.’
He has a point, but young people—all of us, really—learn from our society, from
its values and priorities. And, naturally, we have taught our children how to
live in the world we thought was coming down the pipe. It’s just that it's turning out
not to be the one we ordered.
That said,
I’m generally optimistic about future generations. I think the hard times ahead are being recognized more and more by youth today, and they’re starting to think
about what to do about it. And I don’t mean designing new apps. I think they will
become realists, pragmatists, builders of community, and people who will sort
out their problems cooperatively—because there will be an increasing need for
all of us to get along. I think diplomacy and developing skill-sets that facilitate
individuals and groups to negotiate and respect one another will be valued in
the future because, frankly, the alternative is too terrible to contemplate. These
last couple of centuries, in many instances, have been venues for developing attitudes
and practices on just how not to get
along with each other and with Mam Gaia. That must change or we’re toast.
I’ll
leave it for now, though there is more to say on this important
topic. [I’d put an emoji here, but I
hate the fuckers! Ed.]
Cheers, Jake.
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“I just
have one word for you—prunes!”
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