CRINGE PIC: GIANTS AMONG MEN?

   

UNEXPLAINED GIGANTISM AFFECTS VISITING PRIME MINISTER

DP—Kiev

24 August 2025

 

IN A MACABRE TURN OF EVENTS, Canadian PM Mark Carney grew to nearly three times his natural size, dwarfing the honor guard at his address to the Ukrainian people while touring the Presidential Palace in Kiev. Scientists are baffled by his abrupt change in stature, providing a variety of conflicting and at times bizarre explanations to account for the politician’s radical growth spurt—everything from Nigerian “voodoo” to radioactive nodules in the headwaters of the Dneiper River leftover from 1986’s Chernobyl disaster. Even extra-solar aliens with advanced technologies are put forward as a possible explanation. MIT Professor of Physical Sciences, Arno Piffle, dismisses these theories as “trite and quite missing the mark.” Professor Piffle says that to understand the present phenomena we must look to the past so that we may gauge the future: “Really, very many incredibly bright investigators fail to recall one basic fact: this has happened before and will no doubt happen again.” The Nobel laureate went on to say that “Gulliverism”, the term he coined in a 2010 Nature paper entitled: “Reflections on Hyper-Pituitary Functioning in a Sub-set of Mammalian Actors”, is seen most frequently in those belonging to the social strata of high office, in particular, politicians. He reminds us that swelled heads are a precursor for the hyper torso and appendage growth to follow, including the muscles of the neck, which support the heavier, inflated “ego sack” or cranium. What's remarkable is that Gulliverism is so prevalent in this group, with the majority of the population assuming these giants use their enlarged brains for the benefit of society. Not so, says Professor Piffle: “In fact, brain growth in this category does not correlate to cranial growth in most of the ‘big heads’ I’ve examined. In fact, their brains are, on average, smaller than those of normal-sized craniums.” He goes on to say “hot air” fills the additional interior space of enlarged heads of most over-sized politicians. Ukraine's President Zelensky is a case in point. His excessive growth was much more gradual than Carney's, with his upper body developing in lock-step with his air-filled head. Professor Piffle is sure President Zelensky's brain, when removed during his upcoming autopsy, will reveal an air filled "ego sack" with a brain smaller than its cranial volume would suggest. 

This explains how Gulliverians can hold up their heads in the early stages of the disease while their bodies grow sufficient muscle mass to support their heads. Professor Piffle says the growth of politicians’ heads is caused by a virus that “spreads like wildfire” among their class. “At the end of the day, it’s just air inside, and a smaller amount of gray matter than normal.”

What Professor Piffle finds puzzling is how society in general treats politicians with over-large “ego sacks”, giving them the benefit of the doubt in virtually everything they do. He says society goes “out of its way” to support their growth, even though politicians' brains are often smaller even than journalists,  another social class with inflated heads and [to read the rest of the article click here to subscribe and support DP]

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"Gosh! It can't be to scale, can it?"

 

 

JUNE CRINGE PIC: UKRAINE’S ZELENSKY: THE GIFT THAT JUST KEEPS ON GIVING

 

  

    Co-joined twins attend NATO summit

HE WASN'T INVITED to the NATO summit at The Hague this week but he came anyway. The diminutive Ukrainian president gained entrance to the defence confab via the venue’s restaurant and “dumbwaiter” lift. He surprised attendees as he yelled a hearty, “Hello, guys! I made it!” during the lunch break when he arrived alongside trays of the popular Dutch dessert, stroopwafles and cream.

FOR the first time in over three years, Ukraine spending was not front and centre for the septuagenarian defence alliance founded in 1949. President Zelensky crashed the party came to remind everyone that he was still relevant and that his country needed infusions of guns and money to keep the Slavic giant (Russia) at bay.

The above pic is of President Zelensky and the lanky, melon-headed NATO chief Mark Rutte. The two were inseparable for the remainder of the conference which had as its major ‘takeaway’ the decision for the thirty-two member states to increase their defense budgets to 5% of annual GDP by 2035.* 

👉And for the first time since 2022 there was no mention of Ukraine’s future membership in NATO, something the Trump administration opposes.

  

 

FIVE EYES INTELLIGENCE NETWORK (U.S., U.K., Canada, Australia, N.Z.)

Intra-cranial Intercept (ICI) Division

Target Location: NATO Summit: 24 June 2025

The Hague, Netherlands

KEY:

Mark Rutte (MR)

Volodymyr Zelensky (VZ)

 

MR: “I am so much tall than dis toad. My head is twice bigger of his. My brain is bigger. Everything of me is bigger dan Vova! I could squash him like a bug! He is so needy. So desperate. And yet, there is somethink abouts him that is so…attracting. He clutches onto me for der cameras and follow me everywhere, even to washrooms. I am just use to him, I guess, like that bad smell you get use to until it becomes part of your life. But what then that make me? I can’t tells where he stop and I begins. I am so confuse, so intertwine with dis Ukraine devil! To be alones wit him, even for jus one hours. What I wouldn’t give!”

 

VZ: “Dey all cocksuckerz! Dey try keeps Vova from partyz? Nah! Dey doanz! I comez. I herez! I smilez witz Ruttez. Dutch dummyz! He thinkz he so mucky-muck. Look downz all time on mez. I shake his handz and whatever. His hand clamyz and his breath bad. I smilez. Make pokey-pokes wit him maybe laterz. We see. I shakes everybody handz. Even big prick Trump. Smelly, old manz! Like my Oppa. Pah! All dees big shot, they sayz dey spenz more on weaponz. Good. Then they give more to Vova! I dooz what I haff tooz to get moneyz for Ukraines and me. I am Volodymyr the First, Kingz of Ukrainee. I no am some clownz to makes laffz at circus! They will payz to makes laffs at Vova. You see. Oh yaz!  I send my tough guys to their countries. Take in Ukrainee refugees. My guys make troublez in their countries. Car bombz, drone attacks. Hey, why not? Jus’ blame Russians. So, send more moneyz to Vova to keep Bear in cage. Or else! Or I send someone to break kneecaps like Tony Soprano. Yah, surez!”

 

The 5-👀 ICI installation recorded all summit attendees’ thought waves and found most were conflicted by a deep revulsion for the Ukrainian president alongside a sickly attraction. Zelensky, for his part, was critical, even contemptuous of all attendees but he also had erotic attractions to many. Significantly, he had very strong, sadomasochistic fantasies about the U.S. president such that President Trump's Secret Service detail was alerted.

ICI recorded attendees’ resolve to rearm their countries so they can unite as a powerful European military ready to combat the Russian Federation in the scheduled anticipated 2030 war, even if the social safety net Europeans (and Canadians) have known since the end of WWII might fray under the burdening costs of rearmament. Most attendees spent considerable time thinking about how to pad their investment portfolios with additional defence industry stocks before the NATO summit’s final communique went public announcing the 5% annual defence spending target for the alliance.

Attendees’ thought patterns were within proscribed limits and functioned as expected.

 

 

Cheers, Jake. ____________________________________

 

* PM Mark Carney announced that by 2035 Canada’s budget for military spending (including weapons, ports, infrastructure, services, salaries, cyber security, ETC.) would increase by 150-billion dollars per year, and since he won’t be around we can just keep printing money, they’ll be no consequences or downside for our standard of living or social cohesion infrastructure.

 

 

CRINGE PIC: I NO HEART YOU

 

 

Zelensky attempts to make a 💗 sign but his black soul prevents him.

 

THE SLAP HEARD ROUND THE WORLD

  

Everyone by now has seen the vid of Mrs. Macron and President Macron as they prepare to disembark from their plane on a state visit to Viet Nam last week. Brigitte appears to push Macron’s face who is surprised, then shocked when waiting reporters’ cameras filmed the exchange. Ouch! He attempted to downplay the incident by quickly smiling and waving. It got icy real quick in the normally humid, Far East country. Brigitte is overheard to say in French, “Stay away, you loser” when Macron tried to link arms with her. He responds, “Let’s try, please”. She says, “No.” And he says, “I see.” Ouch! Double ouch! And definitely trouble in paradise for the couple who have been married since 2007.

FUN FACT: The two met when Macron was in high school and Brigitte was his teacher. She is twenty-five-years  his senior. And if that don’t take the cake, maybe rumours that she may be a “he” surely will. Who knows? Only in France!😜 [It's a Top Ten Cringe Pic for 2025 for sure! Ed.]

 

 

Cheers, Jake.

 

 

LEADERS FAIL FIRST ROUND OF ARM-WRESTLE NEGOTIATIONS

  

  

 

Hot Camera Confab Catches Canuck 

 Canoodling 

 

AP--Kiev

 

Transcript KEY

MC: Canadian PM, Mark Carney

VZ: President of Ukraine, Voloydymr Zelensky

Igor: The Custodian

 

MC: “I thought that presser went well. Didn’t you , Mr. President?”

VZ: “Please, you call me Vola, eh? All mye frient does.”

MC: [Smiles, shyly] “Well, Vola, please call me Mark.”

VZ: “‘Marx’. Das nice namez. Wha’ it means? Is Frenches?”

MC: “No. No, I think it’s from Latin. Marcus or Mars. You know, the god of war. That’s strange because I never thought of myself as…”

VZ: “Yas. Wars. Ukrainez and Vola. We knoze bout das. For surez. Gott damnz!”

MC: “I know, I know. And Canada will be behind you all they way, Vola. To defeat Russia and win this war! Look over your shoulder and we’ll be there. Right behind you.”

VZ: “Ha-ha, Canadeeze! You make joke like Trudoze! How is Justinz? I no hear from himt in whilez. Now you guardz my rear? Ha-ha!” [President Zelensky makes a wiggling motion with his torso]

MC: Um, he’s doing okay, Vola. He’s looking for work. He thinks maybe something at the UN or WEF. Maybe the World Bank. He’s got his poker in a few fires…”

VZ: “Ha-ha! Yaz! That sound like my Justinz. Lotz of pokes. You like pokey-pokez, Marx?”

MC: “Ha-ha. Not sure what you mean, Vola. I’m a happily married man.”

VZ: “So you marriedz? Me tooz! You no like poke-poke? When catz ‘way, mice they playz! Ha-ha!”

MC: “Cum’ on, Vola, stop kidding. Er..you are kidding, aren’t you?”

VZ: “Sure-sure. I kid. I kid with Justinz, too.  He has great hair, no?”

MC: “Ha! That he does. Yes. Mine’s getting thinner by the day. Time waits for no man, Vola.”

VZ: “Hey Marxy, I tellz you secret. You my second Canadeeze buddy. I tell you how I stay young, strong! Like bullz!” [President Zelensky flexes his right bicep] “See daz, Marx? I strong. Why? By lotz pokey-poke. Make me strong. Hardz like rock. Feel dis.” [PM Carney touches President Zelensky’s upper arm]

MC: “Um, yes. Impressive Vola. You’re in great shape. Do you lift weights?”

VZ: “Ever daze, Marx. But I pokey-pokes all timez. You knowz Annaleaze Barebacks? She was Germanz foreign ministerz. We get it on all timez she comes to Ukrainez. Wow! She hot!”

MC: “I’ve met her. She’s very attractive.”

VZ: “She got kute behind. Like two melon. Yaz, sur! I love melon. How ‘bout you, Marx? You like melon? Squeeze tight and hold onz! Ha-ha!” [An elderly Ukrainian man enters the audience chamber where the two leaders are speaking. He has a broom and begins sweeping]

MC: [Speaking softly] “Well, Vola, I have to ask. Are you close to a ceasefire with Russia? It’s been over three-years now and…”

VZ: “Patowee! [President Zelensky spits on the floor] No, Canadeeze! Who tol’ you dis? Trump didz? He old man. Smell bad. Gott damnz NO! Marx, we fight ‘til end, or moneyz gone.

MC: I didn’t mean to upset you, Vola, it’s just….”

VZ: “No-no, Canadeeze...Marxy, I sorry. Hey, you want drinkx? Wiskyz? I gotz lots dat.”

MC: “No thanks, Vola. I’m meeting my wife for lunch. She’s visiting some art galleries here in Kiev.”

VZ: “You bring wifez, Marxy? Why? Dey jus' get in way. But, we can kickx back. Me-you. No matter. We throwz some shooterz. Maybe line or two. Why not? You prime minister Canadaz. You adultz. ‘What ‘appen in Kiev, stay in Kiev’, eh? Sure-sure. Hey you! Bring us drinkx!” [President Zelensky turns and speaks to The Custodian who continues sweeping] “Hey! You deaf?” [The Custodian stops sweeping]

Igor: “My job is sweep here every hour. I sweep. You want me stop sweep?”

VZ: “Yas! Das ‘actly what I meanz!” [President Zelensky’s face turns red as he stands] “I say bring Marxy and me some drinkx!”

Igor: “Okay. But I still need finish sweep.” [He starts to sweep once more]

VZ: “Gott damnz, old man! Do I say! You want goes front line? Maybe sweep for Russian mine? Big boom! I can send!”

Igor: “Okay-okay. Yes, master. I go get you and pretty-face drinkx. You drinx too much, anywayz.” [The Custodian leaves the room]

VZ: “Damnz! You no can get good help deez dayz. It Putin fault. He cause all dis trouble. I sorry ‘bout dat.”

MC: “And I’m sorry you’re having problems with your staff, Vola. You’ve got so much on your plate, you don’t need bad-mannered domestics. You should fire him.”

VZ: “Oh, I no canz do datz, Marxy. He my papa. He has big chip on shoulderz. Mouth off all timez.”

MC: “Your father, Vola?”

VZ: “Ya-ya. Who else I truss? My moma she cookz, doez laundryz. I have cousins, unkle or two for securityz and for drive. Who else I truss? My familyz suck but what can you dooze? Hey, my old man will take forevers bring us drinkx. He go slow jus' to piss me offs. Cum’on, Canadeeze, letz go out for drink. Watch girlie-girlz shake-shake. I know place. No one see. What you sayz? Loosen up, eh? I call Uncle Michail, warm up limo. ”

MC: “But my wife is expecting…”

VZ: “Who wear pant, you or wife? One drink. Cu’mon. We show her who boss. She stay couple hours at hotel by self. Paint her toenailz. So what? What you say, Marxy? Man or mouse? Phone her and sayz you make big deal with Vola. I phone “Shagging Sue’s” and get good seat. Yah-yah. It fun. You seez.”

MC: “Well, er, just one drink. I don't want Diana to know. She doesn't like it when I drink during the day.”

VZ: “Sure-sure, Marxy. Mums wordz.”

[They leave. Some time later The Custodian returns pushing a drinks cart. He looks around then wheels it over to the chair vacated by President Zelensky. He sits and pours himself a drink. He drinks, smacking his lips] 

Igor: “Yah, sur! Daz gootz, by damns!”

 

 

Cheers, Jake. ____________________________________

 

 

 

CRINGE PICS: TROUBLE IN GAZA (FOR THE NEW GUY ON THE BLOCK)

 

 

    Lineup at GHF's Rafah 'Aid' Station

“SO, HOW’S THE GENO GOING OVER THERE? STARVING BABIES “Я” US! Right? Ha-ha! What’s that, you say? The U.S. has a plan to feed ‘em! Do tell. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So, they’re setting up a whole new thing. Wow! Hey, don’t get me wrong but aren’t they the same folks who built that floating pier last year? The one that floated away before any food aid could be delivered! That was FUBAR, matey, all round. But, I’m sure they’ve learned their lesson. What? Well I'll be! You say they’re using private contractors this time. And a new Swiss aid charity up and running barely before the ink’s dried on the incorporation papers. Speed-O! With armed mercenaries there to keep things running smoothly. Sweet! Makes sense. Who needs UNRWA. So what if they have expertise, people on the ground, a proven track record, and can run schools and other social services. They were just showing off.

I can see that it’s out with the old and in with the new, eh, sensi? But where do they go? All of them? To Rafah? It'll get crowded, won't it? Oh. That’s the plan. Get ‘em all in one spot, keep an eye on them until they open the gates into Egypt. Man! Will the Egyptians be pissed! So, bomb them until they move south to where the food is, and…that'll be something! You say the IDF will control three-quarters of Gaza in two months, with the north and central parts completely free of Palestinians. Wowser! That's impressive! I guess with enough bombs and bullets just about anything is possible. Good luck with your geno.”

 

    Close-up of  cattle shutes aid lines in Rafah

AS I UNDERSTAND IT, the Gaza Humanitarian Foundation (GHF), a newly incorporated Swiss entity has, or is, opening four aid distribution centres in the Rafah district. Palestinians who move south to get food there are to be screened, their passports checked and retinal scans done before they can receive a small box of food. Thus far, the new distribution system has proven woefully inadequate, with chaotic scenes of desperate Palestinians breaking down barriers to grab food boxes. GHF has four "mega" food distribution sites set up in Rafah. Four sites for two-million people! (UNRWA had four-hundred.) What could possibly go wrong? And since pictures speak louder than words, here’s what goes wrong: The first two pics are of the fenced-off lines Palestinians are expected to queue, as each person was individually scanned and IDed. The third pic is what happens when you’ve starved a population for nearly three months, bombed them, killed scores of mostly women and children on a daily basis, then forced them to march south to so-called 'aid centres' in the hopes of receiving food to feed their families, only to spend long hours behind fencing that looks more like a cattle shute.

It's interesting to note that the new CEO of GDF resigned his position last Sunday, prior to this week’s food fiasco saying: “[T]he group’s aid distribution system could not work in a way that would be able to fulfill the principles of ‘humanity, neutrality, impartiality, and independence’”.  (BBC)

IN ADDITION, Jan Egeland, secretary general of the Norwegian Refugee Council and a former UN humanitarian chief, describes the GHF aid distribution system as “militarized, privatized, politicized.” He goes on:

 

"The people behind it are military - ex-CIA, ex-security people. There is a security firm that is going to work closely with one party to the armed conflict, the Israel Defense Forces," he told the BBC on Monday. "They will have some hubs... where people will be screened according to the needs of one side in this conflict - Israel…We cannot have a party to the conflict decide where, how and who will get the aid.” (BBC)

 

The Israeli government says it is sponsoring the new aid relief organization (that got the green light from the Trump administration) because, it claims, Hamas steals the food provided to UNRWA, the United Nations Relief and Works Agency. The UN organization has decades of experience, with personnel on the ground, along with warehouses and distribution networks set up to serve the Gazan people should humanitarian aid be allowed back in. Currently, Israel has disallowed the UN agency to operate within the Gaza Strip and has shuttered its offices in Tel Aviv.

 

Desperate Gazans break down barriers to access GHF food stores.

Since March 2, 2025, Israel has blockaded all aid from entering Gaza to the point that agencies still operating there have raised the alarm of empty warehouses and shuttered distribution centres. And all the while, people are literally starving to death. Last week, the Netanyahu government allowed in a minuscule amount of aid, not because it's the morally correct thing to do, but rather to keep its Western supporters, particularly the United States, from turning against them. In recent days, countries like Canada, France, Britain, even Germany have condemned Israel’s genocidal policies in Gaza, demanding an immediate lifting of the blockade. It seems pictures of starving babies on the nightly news are proving to be a PR nightmare for Prime Minister Netanyahu and his gang of thugs. 

 

👉Humanitarian aid must be allowed to enter immediately and UNRWA and other aid agencies must be allowed to operate and do their jobs. As it stands, the majority of humanitarian aid now entering Gaza is through GHF. None of the other aid organizations, like the World Food Program, UNRWA, Oxfam, etc., will cooperate with the new relief agency for the reasons outlined by Jan Egeland.

 

👉Netanyahu’s obvious ploy of weaponizing food distribution to corral and control Palestinians in the southern Rafah region, as part of his plan to ethnically cleanse them from Gaza, is despicable and criminal. Global public opinion is turning against Israel and condemning its actions in occupied Palestine. Even some of our current crop of feckless political leaders are beginning to see which way the wind is blowing, as they strive to get in sync with their populations.

 

👉But, actions, not just words, are needed to end what Grayzone editor Max Blumental calls the "holocaust of our time."

 

[p.s., I wonder if GHF will last longer than 2024's floating dock? Ed.]

 

 

Cheers, Jake. ____________________________________

  

FUN FACT: Last Friday, while Dr. Alaa al-Najjar, a pediatrician at Nasser Medical complex in Khan Younis, was a work, nine of her ten children, who were at home with their father, Dr. Hamdi al-Najjar, were killed in an Israeli bombing attack. [It may have been a targeted attack on health care workers. Over 1000 have been killed since Oct.7, 2023.] Dr. al-Najjar was at the hospital when the bodies of her children, burned and mutilated, were brought in, along with her severely injured husband and son, Adam. The children had Egyptian passports, and the family had hoped to emigrate to Cairo. Another tragedy, another day in Gaza. [UPDATE: Dr. Hamdi al-Najjar died from his injuries last Saturday.]

 

[Here's a short vid of Dr. Feroze Sidhwa, an American trauma surgeon, who volunteers his services in Gaza. His is a compelling presentation before the United Nations Security Council on the state of Gaza's health care system (it's virtually nonexistent), as well as his description of some of the cases he's treated while at the Nasser Medical complex in Khan Younis.]