[Hot mike recording of President Zelensky after meeting with African leaders in Kiev, June 16, 2023.]
—President Volodymyr Zelensky (PZ)
—President Cyril Ramaphosa of South Africa (PR)
PR: “…and you cannot be so particular in these matters, Voldemort. Much depends on how you present yourself. It is a rule in life that a mirror reflects the man or frames the fool. Learn this lesson.”
PZ: “But Sigh-rull…”
PR: “Si-rull. The “i” is short. Is this so hard?”
PZ: “Sigh-rull. Okay. But I don’t feel comfortable in them. I’m sorry…”
PR: “You don’t need comfort when you are the president! We have wasted half a day on this business. It is time for you to choose. We have one more haberdasher to try. You must decide when we arrive there. Life is too short, my friend! And you need to let the waist out a size or two. We all sag when we age. And so, we dress to hide such things, no? You need not hold your belly in when you wear proper clothes. Girth, I am told, is more pleasant. I am told this often.”
PZ: “I promise I will, Sigh-rull, but they must be green, khaki-green. My dresser says so. My people are used to me in army fatigues….”
PR: “This is not army fatigues. You do not wear the camouflage, thanks be to God! Think, Voldemort! You are not a soldier. You are too short! You would not be accepted into the army of my country. And green- green-green! Are you colour blind; are you a hobbit, my friend? Should I call you ‘Frodo’? You seem more like a Sam….”
PZ: “Quit kidding, Sigh-rull. I have my image to maintain. I’m the leader of a great country…”
PR: “Yes-yes. Yes, you are the president. This is a fact. You need to dress like one. Look at my suit. Look how well it fits. Look at our comrades’. They dress nice. I dress nice. Why cannot you be like that? Dress nice. Why can not you dress nice like your beautiful wife? Such a figure! Her calves are marvelous! Yes, I would mount her...her picture on my wall. Ah yes! But you—you look like that kid who hangs around street corners looking for trouble. Do you want the rest of us to be ashamed for you? There will be photographers at our meeting. Is this how you want to dress? What if a bomb falls on your head, would you want to die dressed like this, like a bum?”
PZ: “’Cum-on, Sigh-rull. I wash them all the time. They’re clean. I have my pants steam-pressed every morning. Sigh-rull, I th…”
PR: “No-no. No thanks needed, Voldemort. Just make a choice you and your country can be proud of, eh? Let us go and find you something to wear. Remember, Voldemort: the emperor does have clothes! Ha-ha! Come, your majesty! Come! Ha-ha!”.
PZ: “I will. I promise, Sigh-rull.”
PR: “Si-rull. Si-rull. The “i” is short.”
PZ: “Sorry.”
[END]
Cheers, Jake.
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