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"Left, right, left, ri...Manny, keep up! Olaf! No goose-stepping! Guys, we can do this! Left, right, lef..." |
LAST MONTH, Chrystia Freeland announced she was quitting Canadian
politics, and Canada, to take an ‘unpaid’ position as “economic advisor” to
Ukraine’s president Volodymyr Zelensky, until she begins her new job as CEO of
the Rhodes Trust, “a global educational trust” in Oxford, England in July. The
trust administers the Rhodes scholarship, a prestigious award granted to
scholars around the world to do their post-graduate studies at Oxford
University. I won’t throw too much shade here because I don’t know much about
the award other than it was established in his 1902 by Cecil Rhodes, British imperialist
and colonizer bar none, who named southern African territory after himself
(Rhodesia), and having done his level best to hoover up all the wealth from what is now Zimbabwe
and Zambia. In his 1902 will, Rhodes established the educational trust, also
bearing his name, turning the vast fortune he made in the gold and diamond
mines of South Africa to better use than he ever did.
Freeland is a Rhodes Scholar and has said she is looking forward to
returning to her old stomping grounds at Oxford. Chrystia, don’t let the door hit you on the way out!
Regardless of her
educational pedigree (or, perhaps because of it), Chrystia metamorphosed into a
globalist, World Economic Forum (WEF) acolyte, and Klaus Schwab groupie. In
her role as finance minister, she was the wunderkind behind freezing the
assets and bank accounts of protestors and supporters during 2022’s Canadian Trucker
demonstrations against the repressive Covid-19 policies enacted by Justin Trudeau's Liberal
government. Her policies broke the back of those uppity truckers and their supporters. Nice work, Chrystia!
Ukraine,
you are more than welcome to her. Hopefully, someday, she’ll find a harmless role like the one former PM Justin Trudeau has adopted as Katy Perry’s “handbag”.
SBU/CIA COMPROMAT OPERATION
FILE #12-26 do not copy
TOOL :
MK-ULTRA “EAVESDROP-EVERYWARE” ©
SYSTEM
CURRENT RECORDING: POST-COITAL INTERCEPT
SUBJECT:
Volodymyr Zelensky (“Voloda”, “Vovo”) >>> March 28, 2026
>>>>
TITLE/JOB
DESCRIPTION: None. Term in office ended May 2024. Rules by dictat.
LOCATION: Lotus
Blossom bedroom, Presidential Palace. Kiev, Ukraine.
STATUS:
So-so.
VENUE: Pillow
talk with new “Economic Advisor” Chrystia Freeland. (Former Canadian Politician)
>>>
FREELAND: “Ahhh!
[Post-coitus] “I needed that, my sweet.” [Sits up to take cigarette pack from
bedside table. Lights two. Hands cigarette to the president. Places ashtray atop
her stomach. Smokes for a few minutes] “You haven’t lost your touch.”
ZELENSKY: “Ha-ha!
Mee tooz, Chrisy, I…”
FREELAND: "Vovo,
don’t call me that. Please. That’s what he used to call me.”
ZELENSKY: “Still
wit big elephant in room. More like bigz beaver! Canadian beaver. Ha!”
FREELAND: [Chuckling]
“Not so big. Just right, no?”
ZELENSKY: [Laughing]
“Ha-ha! Yah. Juss righz.” [Flicks cigarette ash
into ashtray. Lays on his stomach, smoking]
FREELAND: "He’s
going out with that American singer, what’s her name? Kitty something. She’s
half his age...”
ZELENSKY: “Kata
Perry. She forty-one…”
FREELAND: “How
do you know?”
ZELENSKY: “Olena
has pile Vogue magazine in bathsroom. "I like her song ‘Roar’. Gives me boner all
time I hears.”
FREELAND: “Hmph.
For years he led me on, saying he would get a divorce. He’d gave me cabinet
positions. I was his deputy prime minister, his finance minister—as if those
made up for things. We made plans; I thought…” [Sobs for a while]
ZELENSKY: “Chrisy…Christeenez,
you home now, babyz. Everybodyz love you; everyonez want you do good work for
Ukrainey. Be good help to me…”
FREELAND:
[Sniffling] “Are you still seeing her, that rat fink kraut, Annalena
Bareass?
ZELENSKY: "Hey,
c'mon. Be nize. She in New York. She president of UNs. She bigshot, now. She have
no more time for Voloda. She is dare. You are herez. Das what count.”
FREELAND: "If only I could be sure. About you. About this. About us.
ZELENSKY: “Hey,
truss me, sonecheko. You know you canz! [Leans over nuzzling her
neck]
FREELAND: [Sits up. Opens laptop. Scrolls through emails] “Speaking of finks, Larry Fink got back to me. He says, [Clears throat] quote, ‘Blackrock will invest up to two-billion USDs in Zaporizhzhia nuclear plant once it’s back under Ukrainian control.’ And he’s sealed the deal with a finder’s fee of two-million-euros deposited into your Seychelles’ account, Vovo. I did good. Didn’t I, mylaska?” [Pats president’s bottom]
ZELENSKY: “Hmmm. Very goodz, solodka, good-good. An’ you is Missus Ten-Percent! Doan forgetz. Ha-ha!”
FREELAND: “Ha-ha! The money’s great, Vovo. And the sex…” [Sighs for a while] “I’m over-the-moon happy to be here! Yes, I am. I am.”
ZELENSKY: “Sweetyz, wha’ ‘boutz diss EU loanz? For jetz. We doan has many plane lef can flyz in Ukrainey airfarce. How you like idea of we getz diss money from Rutte and buy chaletz in Swisslands, yes? Jus’ for us twos.” [Stands and puts on his bathrobe] “Yah. Dat be nice. No?”
FREELAND: “You look like Sylvester Stalone in that that boxer movie. Maybe not as tall but…”
ZELENSKY: “Oh yah!” [Gestures with fists in air] “Call me Rocks! Rocks Balboaz! ‘It ain’tz ‘bout how hardz you hits. It ‘bout how hards you can getz hit an’ keep move forward.’ Right, Adrian? Ha-ha-ha!”
FREELAND: “You’re such a goof, Vovo, that’s why I love you!”
ZELENSKY: “Eh? Oh, yah. I loves you too, babys-doll. For sures!” [Uses house phone to order breakfast] “You wants egg over easyz, sweetpies? Like you were las nights. Ha-ha!”
FREELAND: “I think scrambled. That’s how you make me feel when I’m with you. [Laughs, lies back. Lights another cigarette, blows smoke rings, lost in thought. Zelensky finishes their breakfast order. Hangs up and goes to bathroom to urinate. Freeland calls to him] “Vovo, what’s going to become of us? What if Putin sends his troops west to Kiev. Or if he takes Odessa, this spring. Or both…What will happen…?”
ZELENSKY: “Doan worrys. [Flushes toilet] “My luf, you be gone in few weeks. Go to Oxford." [Returns to bedroom, brushes his hair in mirror] “Raise new chicks be like you. You do that over there. Here, we fights Russia. Like always.”
FREELAND: “But about you, Vovo. Will you be safe?”
ZELENSKY: “Olena, Kyrylo and I have jet fueled and readyz. Oleksandra studys in Paris. We okays. Doan worrys."
FREELAND: "Your wife. Your family…I wish we were a family, Vovo! You can’t deny you feel the same! [Butts-out cigarette. Begins to cry softly.]
ZELENSKY: “Eh? Hey-hey, Dreamboatz. But, you have happy life wit what-his-head, no?”
FREELAND: [Sniffling] “Graham. Yes. And my children. But, it’s not like you and me. It’s so exciting with you, Vovo. You’re…”
ZELENSKY: “Hey-hey, Sweetx, life is no box chocolates. We spend timez togethers when we canz. To think ‘bout whatz should have been make you crazyz. You knowz diss. Let eat us our breakfast and plan how we spend diss new monies coming our way soons. Yah? Yah sure! I hear slow poke Opa in hallway rattle breakfast cart now. [Opens door] Hey! Hurrys up, Opa!”
FREELAND: “He’s not your real grandfather, is he, Voloda?”
ZELENSKY: “Yah, sure is. All my familyz work for me heres in president palace and Kiev. Fadder, Mum, cousins, unkles. Oh, yah. Who you goan trus, mostly?” [Zelensky’s grandfather pushes the cart into room. Wheezing loudly]
OPA: "Doan worry, missus,” [Freeland drapes sheet to cover herself] “I seen it all before. Many times! Let me tel.."
ZELENSKY: “Tanks Opa, now get outs.”
OPA: “I go, I go. If your fadder could see you…” [Zelensky kicks door shut]
ZELENSKY: [Under his breath] “I think maybez I send him to front.” [Aloud] “He has big moutz. Nevers mind him, Darlinks.”
FREELAND: “He’s got your smirk. I can see the family resemblance…”
ZELENSKY: “And he gotz Zelensky dickx!” [Zelensky displays his manhood]
FREELAND: [Laughs] "Oh you! Put that away and pour me a coffee. I'm starving! [They uncover their dishes and begin to eat breakfast in bed]
FREELAND: "You know, these eggs are as good or better than the ones I had in Moscow…”
ZELENSKY: [Zelensky stops eating a mouthful of toast and eggs] “Moscow? Whenz you go dare? Why?”
FREELAND: “Eh…er...last week. I go there sometimes when the kids are on March break. They usually go camping with Graham. I…”
ZELENSKY: “What you do dare, Cherrie? Who you know dare?”
FREELAND: Well, Vladimir…”
ZELENSKY: “Vladimir? Vladimir Putin?! You see Putinz? Whys?”
FREELAND: “I’ve known him a long time. Since the 1990s. We met when I was Moscow bureau head for the Financial Times. He’s an old friend. We get together now and then…”
ZELENSKY: “You see Putin! Why? Howz?”
FREELAND: "I knew him long before I met you, Vovo. I hate what he’s doing to Ukraine. But he’s a man. He’s charming and…”
ZELENSKY: “Charmsing! Like snake-charmer is charmsing!”
FREELAND: “I knew you'd react this way. I wish I hadn't told you, now. He’s changed over the years. He was boyish back then. Carefree. All he wanted was to practice law. But party politics drew him in. I guess he caught the bug. We would argue about it sometimes. He used to live in a houseboat on the Moska River. Believe it or not…"
ZELENSKY: “I doan believes anytings any mores…”
FREELAND: “Don’t be like that. You asked me and now I’m telling you. We’d spend time on his boat. We’d argue then make love and argue some more. We were young. It was the times. Ha-ha! I was always afraid of how sound carries over the water. Hah-ha! I said one time that the KGB might be listening. He laughed and said it’s called the FSB now. He said he was the FSB. He wasn’t a communist. Never had been. The country was changing back then but there still were many supporters of the old regime. Vlad was a progressive. He loved riding, hunting, fishing, the arts, literature. He even wrote me poems. I-I don’t know why I’m telling you this. It’s just that I’m a woman. I have needs. I…”
ZELENSKY: “Look, I no fresh bloom either, my lovez. But when we in Lotus Blossom bedroom, da res of world is out dare. In here is jus us. Yah? I…” [Zelensky's grandfather knocks and opens the door, shouting]
OPA SELENSKY: “Hey, hot stuff, we gotta go. Russian missiles are inbound! By the saints, hurry up! Get dressed! We gotta get to the bomb shelter. Now!” [The sound of alarm bells can be heard nearby]
ZELENSKY: “Cool jets, Opa. Putin never launches attacks before lunchtime." [To Freeland] "Darlinks, not to worryz. It always a false alarm. I gotz Putin by the ballz! Oh, yah! We got plenty time. Les you and me work on getting EU loan. Ninety-billion-bucks, babyz! We could buy an island jus’ for us. Lie on beach. Get tanz all over, sand in our cracks, champagne and caviar. Good times, yah?”
FREELAND: “You make my head spin, Vovo. You’re a Svengali! I wanted to make you jealous, to make you see me like a man sees a woman. I want all or nothing. Oh, I’m like a silly schoolgirl around you!”
ZELENSKY: “Yah-yah!” [She dresses while Opa Zelensky gives her a thumbs up and several winks]
FREELAND: "I wanted to make you jealous—jealous of Vlad. I guess I wanted to make him jealous, too. I…That's why I told him about us, Vovo, about our weekend together. In Camelot, I said. It’s like a dream to me. I wish I hadn’t told him about us, about hooking-up with you…" [Sniffling as she picks up her laptop]
ZELENSKY: “Hey-hey, babez. It be all right soon. You see. Er…. You say you tell Putinz ‘bout us? Why you do diss?! Maybe he more jealous of you. Ever think diss? Maybe he try kill you. And me, ‘cause I wit you. Russians are too hot-bloods. Almos as hot-bloods as Ukrainees. Chrisy, maybe he track our phones right now. Oh fuck! Leaves phone and laptop, Sweetpizz. We need getz to shelter. Now. Come on, Opa, move out of way." [Zelensky pushes past his grandfather. Freeland helps Opa ZELENSKY wheel his breakfast cart to the elevator] FREELAND: “Faster, Opa. We haven’t much time! I can't believe this is happening. I had no idea Vlad would do this!" [Shouting] "Wait for us, Vlad! I mean Voloda.”
OPA ZELENSKY: [Winking] “I go all da way with you Christie! Push-push. All da way. "
CHEERS, JAKE.
_____________________________________
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