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"Think, Voloda! Think!" |
👉MI6/CIA/SBU/MOSSAD INTERCRANIAL INTERCEPT USING MK-ULTRA BRAINSPY© SOFTWARE—
SUBJECT: Volodymyr Zelensky (“Voloda”, “Vovo”) >>> 20 October 2025
TITLE/JOB DESCRIPTION: None. Term in office ended May, 2024. Rules by dictat.
LOCATION: A bunker 200 feet below a local 7-11 store. Kiev, Ukraine.
STATUS: So-so.
VENUE: Recording his daily presidential press release. >>>
VZ: Why? Why I listen to dease basturdz? Why I go Londun on weekendz? Talk to Kiers, Manny and Mertzie? [British PM Sir Kier Starmer, French President Emmanuel Macron, German Chancelor Fredrich Mertz] My three amigos. Bah! What dey knows? No-nuthing dummies!...
DIRECTOR: “Ahem. AHEM! Mister President. Quiet on the set! All right, Mister DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up." [Director jokes with President Zelensky]
VZ: Fuck you, Billy Wilder! Nixba! I pick you up. Take you with me. You make ad for kiddie cerealz before I come. “What's my motivation, Mister Director? Where is my emotional centrez? You never tellz me! Never directing me. Why do I say what I sayz? How I give speech when you don’tz tell me what is I need think in scene? Directz me, Anton! Please!”
DIRECTOR: “Know your lines and don’t bump into the furniture.”
VZ: “Thank a lot! I standing at podium. Big deal.”
DIRECTOR: “Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world she walks into mine.”
VZ: “Yeah-yeah.” Big dealz. Bogartz. Casablanca. Nineteens and forty twos. Warners Brodher. Director Michaels Curtis; Hall Wallis production. You still lousy director. “Okay, okay. What are my lines? Why nothing on teleprompterz? What I say?”
DIRECTOR: “Water is more precious than gold. Could someone please get the President a drink of water.”
VZ: “Yah-yah. Tanks, Anton. [A grip brings President Zelensky a glass of water and two Alka Seltzer tablets.] "My head explode like Russian bomb.”
DIRECTOR: “Annalena, again?”1
VZ: “Barebacks, yah. And Mertzie, too. He likes watch. Man, I sore all over. I feel like punching bagz. Anna say she hate new job as United Nations Gen’rals Assemble president. She say no one know who she is in New Yorkz”. I say, ‘You lucky move to Big Apples! You got lots of evertings’. But she just spank me harder. And let me tellz you, after….”
DIRECTOR: “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.”
VZ: Huh? "Yeah. Whateverz. Hey, when we get this party started, baby!” Boy, I need stiff drink–like yesterdayz!
DIRECTOR: “Well, turn that frown upside down, Mister President….Sosha! [Speaks to makeup girl behind camera] “Sosha, do something with the President’s nose. It’s all red and shiny, again. [Sosha walks across the set and applies talc powder to the president’s nose.]
VZ: “Achoooz! Achoooz! Ahh! Godz mee bless. Thank you, Sosha. Yaah. Das better.” [Sotto voce] Say, Sosha. Sosha, how olds you? How long you works for production companyz? Why I no see you befores?
SOSHA: “Eighteen. I’m eighteen, Mister President. Almost. I’ve only just started as an intern. I want some experience before I apply to university.”
VZ: Wham, bam! Thank you mam! How dat for experience? “My-my. Eighteen! I have daughter, my sweet Oleksandra, jus’ three-year old than you. She at universityz, too. In Paris. You just girlz. My-my. Tell me, do you go schoolz still?” Sosha is one hoochie-coochie gal! Wow! She a slow boil, but when heatz up—look out, babez!
SOSHA: I’m going to university next year after I finish high school. I want to study film making. I want to be a director like my dad, Mister President.”
VZ: “You could be in movie, Sosha. Your dad, he is director? What name, Sosha? Maybe I knowz him. And call me Voloda. Not so formal here in bunker. Ha-ha” Mmm. Soon I rub cocoa-nuttz butter all overs her. “Ha-ha.” How I get her to come to President Palace after shootz? Olena is in Paris, shopping. While harpy away, the mice they playz.
SOSHA: “Ha-ha” [Sosha, nervously]. “You should know him, Mister Pres…Voloda. I came in with him for this morning’s shoot to help out.…”
VZ: “Sosha! You mean Anton Sebrinsky is father! Our Director is Sosha’s papa! Ho-ha-ha! Hoh… Hmmm.” [To Director] “Antonz, why you no tell me you have such pretty daughterz? And so smart!”
DIRECTOR: "With all due respect, Sir, you're beginning to bore the hell out of me."
VZ: “Wait! I knows dis one. Yah-yah, is Clin Eastwoodz. He playz Gunny from Heartbreaks Ridge movie. Nineteens and…eight-Sixes. Warner Brodher! Hah!” Oye! Anton is her papa! I need be carefulz. He has temper and he big guy. I have getz Sosha away from set. How? Think, Voloda! Think! [President Zelensky writes a brief note and hands it to Sosha as she finishes powdering his nose. She quickly puts it in her pocket.]
VZ: [To Director] “There, Anton. How my nose? Sosha do good jobz? Ha-ha! Letz get shoot finish!”
DIRECTOR: [Indicates the filming shoot is behind schedule] “If he has the time, Doctor. If he has the time.”
VZ: “Okay, Spock. Let’s go! I got things to do like fight Putin. Pah! [The President spits] Ha-ha! Thank you, Sosha. [She returns behind camera] Goodz girl. Don’t show daddy note. Just you-me, baby! I wish I get with Opa Trump same. Maybe canoodle him againz. He like Voloda. He say so in private. Not so much in public dease days. He ride Voloda bareback all night longz. Hah-hah! Ouch! Maybe he givez me more monies. Same for Manny and Stammer. They all like Voloda. Rough trade boys they think they are. Dey blow razzberries at Putin. Das all. They just sissy pants. “Anton, my lines still no up on teleprompt. What I say to Ukrainee people so they don’t hate me? Ha-ha!” Or so Azov guys don’t shoot me. Godsdamn!
DIRECTOR: “I seek not to know the answers, but to understand the questions.”
VZ: Huh? “Hey sensi, still nothink on screen.”
DIRECTOR: “Patience, young grasshopper.”
[The teleprompter boots with the President’s scrolling address to the Ukrainian people. The President clears his throat and begins reading his daily briefing.]
VZ: Same-o, same-o. Blahblahblah. More money, more fight. Ukraine will win. Hah! Right motherfucker! I need getz out from Dodge before sheriff come. But, for now—speak to camera like I understand what I say. Be firm. Stand straight, Voloda. Serious face now. And tonightz, Sosha come for sleep over! Oh yeah, babyz!
👉MI6/CIA/SBU INTRACRANIAL INTERCEPT USING MK-ULTRA BRAINSPY© SOFTWARE—
SUBJECT: Volodymyr Zelensky (“Voloda”) >>> 20 December 2025
TITLE/JOB DESCRIPTION: None. Term in office ended in May 2024. Rules by dictat.
LOCATION: Cafeteria in private wing of Presidential Palace.
VENUE: Having coffee after assignation with ingénue.
SOSHA: “You know I love you, Vovo. I know you love me. Can’t you see our age difference doesn’t matter?”
VZ: “My sweet girlz…
SOSHA: You made me a woman, Vovo! How can anything that feels so good be so wrong?”
VZ: “Not wrong, darlingz. But if people know about us, dey not understandz. Tonight, I meet with my three amigo* and I hope they bring me Christmas surprise: Cash. Or soldiers to fight. Hah! If they come empty-handed, I stick firecracker up asses and light ‘em up! Oh yeah! So, you needz go home until they gone…no, waitz. Olena and Oleksandra come home for holidays soon. Let me calls you on burner phonez. We go hotel. Is private. Clean sheet. No bugs—unless Mossad or CIA plant one. Ha-ha! No-no. I know owner, he mums-the-word for right price. You still have wig, for disguise. Sunglasses? White cane? Good.” How I get out of dis mess? If I break off with Sosha, she will tell father and Anton will come down on me like tons of bricks.
SOSHA: “Darling, my love is like a flower and you its only seed. Why can’t we be free to love and live with whoever we want?!”
VZ: “Whoa now, sweetheart. I president of Ukrainee. We at war with Ruskies an…”
SOSHA: “Well, whose fault is that?”
VZ: “Huh? Sweetness and light, what means you ‘whose’ fault? Putin invades Ukraine in 2022. His fault. Maybe you too young to remember.”
SOSHA: “I remember plenty! Oh, Vovo. Is this our first fight? Just like a regular couple! I love you!" [Kisses President’s face several times] "Dearest, you took the bait from Boris Johnson and the United States. They gave you money and weapons and you thought you could win a war with Russia. How sad."
VZ: "Hey, we still can."
SOSHA: Oh, Vovo, what am I going to do with you?"
VZ: “Ha-ha!” What mean she by dis? Why all womens I go bed with say same thing? ‘Cept my Annalena. But she spank me so hard I no sit for week. She think Ukraine win war. And as president of United Nation Gen’rals Assemble she should know. Maybe I make mistake with Sosha….
SOSHA: “Penny for your thoughts.”
VZ: Eh? “Whoa Nellies! My thought worth weight in gold, Sweetie! Ha-ha!”
SOSHA: “And why do you have to meet with those horrid EU politicians again. They don’t care about you or Ukraine. They just want to keep their jobs, keep the war going. If elections were held today in their countries they would be wiped out like layno on a doormat. They couldn't get elected town dog-catchers!”
VZ: “Well, hey, they likes me, Soso. We have good time. Shoot breeze, make plans, play some pool, drink whisky…”
SOSHA: Vovo, they despise you. Can’t you see? Do you think the EU likes Ukraine? All Brussels wants is to keep the money for weapons flowing. Mertz says he wants to expand his country’s weapons production. Fewer Mercedes, more Tiger tanks. Same goes for France and Britain. Grow their economies by making bombs and missiles. Sell weapons, drones—whatever—to Ukraine and everywhere else. More soldiers die. Pretend Russia will invade Europe. Make a country that has the world’s largest nuclear weapons stockpile a permanent enemy. That doesn't sound like a good idea, does it? But the military industry stocks go up, and it’s a yippee-ki-yay-o merry-go-round of death. Can’t you see, my Love? They’re using you.”
VZ: Holy shit! How I get mixed up with this broad? She crazy!
SOSHA: [Excitedly] “Vovo, come away with me. We could go to some small selo, change our names, start a new life there. Why not? What will all the money you take from the Americans and Europeans do for you except paint a bullseye on your back. You don’t need this. They don’t need or want you. They'll chew you up then spit you out. Let’s go today. Right now!”
VZ: “I can’t, Sweetness. Ukrainee calls me to this duty.” And if EU gets hold of Russian frozen assets: tree hundreds billionz euros, I made in shade, baby! Hey? How she know all this? She not finish high school yet. She scary smart or bat shit crazy.
SOSHA: [Near tears] “Vovo, I knew you would say this. You just can’t let go of the golden ring, can you? Darling, I told my father about us. I begged him to help you leave the clutches of those Azov Nazis and the bureaucrats in Brussels and that senile American president who can't make up his mind to call it a day…”
VZ: Huh?! "You did what, Soso?! You tell papa about us. Why?! What he say what he do?”
SOSHA: “You’ll have to ask him; he’s here now.” [Director enters cafeteria]
VZ: Oh. Hi, Anton. We just have coffeez. Want some?”
Director: “What we have here is a failure to communicate.”
VZ: “Oh, come on, Anton. We all grown-ups here. Mostly.”
DIRECTOR: “You hear me talking, hillbilly boy, I ain’t through with you by a damn sight. I’ma get medieval on your ass!”
VZ: Come on, Anton. You can’t do that. I president of Ukrainee (more or less, but why quibbles.) I your president, buddyz.
DIRECTOR: “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”
VZ: "Sosha! Sosha! What 'aves you done!"
SOSHA: "I'm sorry, my Love. But we'll always have Paris."
>>>> end of transmission end of transmission end of transmission end of transmission end of transmission
CHEERS, JAKE. _______________________________________
* Shakespeare, William, et al. The Riverside Shakespeare. Houghton Mifflin, 1974.
1. Annalena Baerbock, crazy Green Party member served as
Germany's Federal Minister for Foreign Affairs from December 2021 until May
2025. Currently serving as President of the UN General Assembly (aka "360 Baerbock").
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