CRINGE PIC #2 APRIL 2025

 

Demonic or constipated? You decide.

WHEN I SAW THIS PIC, I couldn’t resist! It’s a priceless Zelensky original. Words cannot express the complex emotions his visage engenders within this viewer. Suffice it to say, there is one, and only one, Zelensky! (Thankfully!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cheers, Jake.________________________________

 

 

 

CRINGE PIC#1 APRIL 2025. BUFF REBUFF: "PRICELESS!"

 

THE PHOTO is of Italy’s PM Maroni being greeted by French President Emmanuel Macron at the “Coalition of the Willing” war drumming jamboree in Paris earlier this week, where there was a lot of hot air and hand-waving by pigmy European leaders gathered for the umpteenth circle-jerk wherein they fool themselves into believing that what they have to say about the Ukraine-Russia conflict has any relevancy. It doesn’t. They don’t matter. And talk of building some kind “peace keeping” force manned by ‘Team Europe’ to police the borderlands between Ukraine and Russia following cessation of the conflict ignores the reality of Russia’s firm NO! to any such force cobbled together from NATO affiliated-countries. Besides, Russia has yet to decide how much territory it needs to take until its security requirements are met. The more strum und drang the Europeans emit around “preparing for war with Russia”, the more Ukrainian territory Russia will deem necessary to conquer to keep its homeland safe. Instead of pit bull cosplay on the part of European leaders who puff up their chests pretending they will send troops to Ukraine. (Whose troops? Poland, with the largest army says no; Britain’s armed forces—all of them—would fit into a large soccer stadium and on down the list).  Instead, they should all go out to their favourite cafes and parks and enjoy their time in the sun. They think themselves pit bulls. In fact, they are well fed and watered chihuahuas.

 

AND WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL the chief fluffers in this FUBAR, Starmer and Macron, to stop giving lip service to the idea that Britain still rules the waves and Napoleon never met his Waterloo. It’s embarrassing. The more those two bloviate about sending money and weapons to Zelensky, despite the Trump administration’s increasing reluctance to further involve itself in the Ukraine clusterfuck, makes one wonder at their motivations. Without the U.S. to back them up, any army they gather will be little more than a paper tiger. Their foolish commitments to continue supplying Ukraine with money and weapons will only extend the war because Russia’s President Putin will see this as a threat and redouble his efforts to defang Ukraine’s armed forces even if it means turning the country into a land-locked, rump state, with no military capability to speak of. The longer this conflict goes on, the more territory Ukraine will lose.

BTW, RUSSIAN FORCES may be preparing for a major Spring/Summer offensive that will see them reach the Dnieper River, a natural divide between Russian and Ukrainian territory. When they arrive there, they will be poised to move on both Kiev and Odessa, should Putin give the go-ahead. We’ll see if the Europeans come to their senses and get behind Trump’s peace initiatives. So far, a majority of EU countries (or at least their political elites) are in favour of continuing the conflict.*

 

Cheers, Jake.____________________________________

 

* And p.s., Guys, I don’t know about you, but the expression on PM Meloni as she’s getting ‘French-buffed’ by Macron, looks all-too familiar. It’s that dead, one-thousand-yard stare that says: “anywhere but here, anytime but now”. I think she’d rather kissy-face an orangutang than Macron. Somehow, I don’t think Italy will be part of the “Coalition of the Willing”. Just sayin’.

[Actually, Jake is right; her pic is hilarious and her expression is nothing less than priceless! Ed.]

 

    "Why won't you hand me a towel?"

 

WHO'S IN CHARGE AROUND HERE?

 

EMBATTLED PRESIDENT REFLECTS

ON HIS TIME IN OFFICE

By Juptor Numtwats

AP—KIEV

 

KEY:

Volodymyr Zelensky: VZ

Jeptor Numtwatts: JT

 

VZ: “I dunno watz happens now. Why Americans no gives me moneyz and weapon? Why diss? Fugging Trump! He make me so madz! Old man. He smell bad, like Opa. How he say dezz tinks? That I no respectfuls. Why? I kiss hiz azz like rest. Why pick on Volo? [Begins singing Twister Sister tune] We nots gonna takes it! We nots gonna takes it! We nots gonna take its any more...."

JN: [Clears throat] “Mister President. [Louder] Mister President! Perhaps we should begin, now…”

VZ: “Huh? Who ezz diss? Wheres you come from? Speak upz! I call body-guard, chop-chop. He chop you up in blender. Ha-ha!”

JN: “I’m Jeptor Numtwatts, sir. I’m here from AP to interview you. You were listening on your headphones and your handler..er..secretary said never to interrupt when you had them on. I’m sorry but I have a deadline…”

VZ: “Dead lines? Who dies? Hay! I likes line or two, Jeppy, if knows what I means by diss. Ha-ha! Are we livez? Is diss records thingy on? Say, what diss “ayy peeze”, anyway? What you mean by diss?”

JN: “Associated Press, Mister President. We scheduled an interview to discuss the latest peace proposal that Presidents Putin and Trump have ironed out. Do you think…”

VZ: “I no think, Jeppy. I knows. I knows damn wells who butters my bacons. Go on. We must tell your viewers…”

JN: “This is a print interview, Mr. President. No cameras.”

VZ: “Too badz. I get haircut, fresh clothes. You see, eh? I look good, Jeppy. Tho, you know, I hate fukan green! I never did like dis colours.”

JN: “You look...masterful, Mister President. But what do you think of the thirty-day ceasefire proposal ironed out in Riyadh by President Trump’s envoy, Steve Witkoff with the Russians? Will it work? Will you accept it?”

 VZ: “Jeppy. May I calls you Jepps? Jeppy? No matter, I call Jeppy. Jeppy, I say peaze treaties up your azz! We win fight! I tell truth to you and your Ayy Peeze! We beat invaders who eat Ukrainee childs and drink their bloods. Curse them to tenz generations! Scum!” [He spits]

JN: “Wouldn’t any break in the fighting be welcomed by Ukrainian troops who are exhausted and demoralized by all accounts?”

VZ: “Hah! You knows nothing of Ukrainee, Jeppy. Hay! Where you froms, Ayy Peeze? Who are your peoples?”

JN: “I was born in Canada, but I’ve lived all my li….”

VZ: “Ha! Why you no say so before. You are Canadee! A Canuks! Maples syrup!  Mounties! Niagaras Fall! Ah! my favorite country after Ukraine is Canadaz. What your team, Canahends or Leaves?”

JN: “You mean what’s my favourite hockey team, Mister President? Uh. Well, as a boy I was always partial to the Detroit Redwings because I grew up near…”

VZ: “Hoah, boy! Shame-shames. Da Canahends, dey de bess teamz in whole world! Only Ukrainee Übermensch betters. Canahends is team worl class. Like Ubers. Yes, sir! Hay, Canuks, listen diss: I visit your country two, maybe three year ago. I go to Ottawaz, to Parliaments. Everybody cheer, claps hand. You saw. But, while I am there I see my friend Yaro Hunker in vis’tor galleryz. They all claps for me and for Yaro. I sit with weepy Justin. That boy cry too much. Sissy pants. Nice hairz, tho.”

JN: “You were friends with Yaroslav Hunker, Mister President? When did you meet him. You do know he was a member of the Nazi SS during World War Two, don’t you.”

VZ: “Yah-yah. I knows, Jeppy. My lipz seal. State secret, you knows. Maybe I talks too much now. Ha! Maybe I have you kilt, Jeppy." [Pause in recording] "Ha-ha! Look at face in mirror. White as sheet. I joke. Cummon. But, hay, you look like good guy.   Lis’en me, I tell you sometinks. Me and Yaro were in same outfit during war. Yah-yah. Is true! We fights Russians. Give 'em bloody noses.”

JN: “But, Mister President, Hunker was is his nineties when he came to Ottawa. You’re much younger, surely, no more than in your mid-forties? How could you have fought together in World War Two? You weren’t even born yet! Am I wrong?"

VZ: "Yah. Very wrongz, Ayy Pease."

JN: "Um. Should we continue, Mister President. What are your thoughts around the peace proposal?"

VZ: "Jeppy, May I call you Jeppy? Jeppy, you be my guest in Presidential Palace. This [He gestures] is House of Ukrainee. Holy place. I have duty to defendz. I also treat guests with great respect. I make law 'bout dat. you seem like good guy, Jeppy. Your Ayy Pease is good guy, too. They give me good news cover. Say nice thing ‘bout me. So, I let you in on state secretz. Turn off record machine and we go for walk, eh?"

JN: [Turns switch on recorder] "It’s off now, Mister President."

VZ: "Why light still green on records thingy, Jeppy?"

JN: "Um. It always does that. I turned it off. What did you want to show me, Mister President?"

VZ: "Let’s go to private part of palace. Quiet there. Hay! You tall one. You know that, Jeppy? How you get so big?" 

JN:" Umm? I jog every day?"

VZ: "You jogz before come here? Hay! You must be tires. Let goes sit down more comfer-tables place. Follow me, Jeppys. That’s it...you follow. Good. Not far. I show you some think. It will knock your hatz off!" [They walk along several hallways and flights of stairs and eventually descend a stair into the lower basement of the palace.]

JN: "Mister President! Where are we going?"

VZ: "We here, Jeppy. See? Come inside. We have drinks. Maybe some coke, eh? Kick backs. Listen tunes. You look so tense, Jeppy. Need relax. Sit in chair. I mix drink. We talk, eh. You like talk, don’t you, Jeppy?" [The President moves to well-stocked bar.]

JN: "Mister President, I don’t kno…"

VZ: "You no sizzy pants like Justin Truesdou are you, Jeppy? [He mixes drinks at a well-stocked bar. “Drinx, Jeppy. Drinx up, my friend.” [The President puts on a mix of Ukrainian folk tunes and the two drink and listen to the soothing melodies.] “Thas’ better, no Jeppy? How you like Ukrainee whiskey? It good stuff, eh? Smooth like baby behind.”

JN: "Mister President, I can hardly feel my lips! They’re numb! My legs, too! They won’t move. Call a doctor Please! Something’s very wrong!”

VZ: "Good-good, Jeppy. You sit there. I talk. Jeppy, what you think when I say I's am one-hundredt-and-fiftys-five-year-old! You believe me, doan you? Just nod if you understands. Or blink eye if nodding too hard. This drink powerful stuff, no? Well, be that as may. Jeppy, I tell you earlier Yaro and me were in same outfit. We dit stuff backs then tha' would blow your mindz! Man, those were days. Hah! Relax Jeppy, you give yourself stroke or somethin’. [Zelensky adjust straps on the hands and legs of the paralyzed AP reporter] Wha' wrong, Jeppy? Cat got your tongues? Ha-ha! So, you ask how can I be so old and look fresh like rosebud? Das long story and you no have much time left. No-no. No tears. Why cry? Anyway, I have tells you quick because the Lord is come soon. Who dat, you ask. If you could ask! Ha-ha! He is my boss and Yaro boss, too. In history, folk call him by many names. He is old-old. He go waaay back, Jeppy. Some say to cavemens time. Old as sin, they say.  Man! Dis  booze is sure good! Anyways, Jeppy, my Lord and many who follow him and works for him in world, they are like a big truck tha' need fuels to run. And to keep our skin soft and bowels clear. And to live long-long time. What fuel, you ask, if you could ask. Why it's you, Jeppy. Our fuel is you. Be happy. It over quick and then you rest. No more worry. Like go on holidayz. I see lines on your forehead, Jeppy. You scared. Don’t be. You just go sleep. Bye-bye. You know, Jeppy, all dis talk of foods make me hungry. Maybe I get Justin to come visit. He has time to spares now. I drain him good this time. I suck his spine and blood till he dry as bone! Ha-ha! Yah sur! His blood is boring, I knowz, but he has nice hair. Very sexy, doan you think? Yeah. I say: 'Why I no have hair like dat?' Jeppyz, I hope your bloods not too dull for our Lord. He cranky when no eat for few months. You want somethink else to drinks? No ruffies this time! I promise. Crosses my heart. No? No matter. We wait. Soon he come.” 

JN: "Uh! uh-uh!" [End of tape.]*

 

 

 

*Transcript of audio recording of unpublished Zelensky interview conducted by Juptor Numtwats (deceased ).