WHO'S IN CHARGE AROUND HERE?

 

EMBATTLED PRESIDENT REFLECTS

ON HIS TIME IN OFFICE

By Juptor Numtwats

AP—KIEV

 

KEY:

Volodymyr Zelensky: VZ

Jeptor Numtwatts: JT

 

VZ: “I dunno watz happens now. Why Americans no gives me moneyz and weapon? Why diss? Fugging Trump! He make me so madz! Old man. He smell bad, like Opa. How he say dezz tinks? That I no respectfuls. Why? I kiss hiz azz like rest. Why pick on Volo? [Begins singing Twister Sister tune] We nots gonna takes it! We nots gonna takes it! We nots gonna take its any more...."

JN: [Clears throat] “Mister President. [Louder] Mister President! Perhaps we should begin, now…”

VZ: “Huh? Who ezz diss? Wheres you come from? Speak upz! I call body-guard, chop-chop. He chop you up in blender. Ha-ha!”

JN: “I’m Jeptor Numtwatts, sir. I’m here from AP to interview you. You were listening on your headphones and your handler..er..secretary said never to interrupt when you had them on. I’m sorry but I have a deadline…”

VZ: “Dead lines? Who dies? Hay! I likes line or two, Jeppy, if knows what I means by diss. Ha-ha! Are we livez? Is diss records thingy on? Say, what diss “ayy peeze”, anyway? What you mean by diss?”

JN: “Associated Press, Mister President. We scheduled an interview to discuss the latest peace proposal that Presidents Putin and Trump have ironed out. Do you think…”

VZ: “I no think, Jeppy. I knows. I knows damn wells who butters my bacons. Go on. We must tell your viewers…”

JN: “This is a print interview, Mr. President. No cameras.”

VZ: “Too badz. I get haircut, fresh clothes. You see, eh? I look good, Jeppy. Tho, you know, I hate fukan green! I never did like dis colours.”

JN: “You look...masterful, Mister President. But what do you think of the thirty-day ceasefire proposal ironed out in Riyadh by President Trump’s envoy, Steve Witkoff with the Russians? Will it work? Will you accept it?”

 VZ: “Jeppy. May I calls you Jepps? Jeppy? No matter, I call Jeppy. Jeppy, I say peaze treaties up your azz! We win fight! I tell truth to you and your Ayy Peeze! We beat invaders who eat Ukrainee childs and drink their bloods. Curse them to tenz generations! Scum!” [He spits]

JN: “Wouldn’t any break in the fighting be welcomed by Ukrainian troops who are exhausted and demoralized by all accounts?”

VZ: “Hah! You knows nothing of Ukrainee, Jeppy. Hay! Where you froms, Ayy Peeze? Who are your peoples?”

JN: “I was born in Canada, but I’ve lived all my li….”

VZ: “Ha! Why you no say so before. You are Canadee! A Canuks! Maples syrup!  Mounties! Niagaras Fall! Ah! my favorite country after Ukraine is Canadaz. What your team, Canahends or Leaves?”

JN: “You mean what’s my favourite hockey team, Mister President? Uh. Well, as a boy I was always partial to the Detroit Redwings because I grew up near…”

VZ: “Hoah, boy! Shame-shames. Da Canahends, dey de bess teamz in whole world! Only Ukrainee Übermensch betters. Canahends is team worl class. Like Ubers. Yes, sir! Hay, Canuks, listen diss: I visit your country two, maybe three year ago. I go to Ottawaz, to Parliaments. Everybody cheer, claps hand. You saw. But, while I am there I see my friend Yaro Hunker in vis’tor galleryz. They all claps for me and for Yaro. I sit with weepy Justin. That boy cry too much. Sissy pants. Nice hairz, tho.”

JN: “You were friends with Yaroslav Hunker, Mister President? When did you meet him. You do know he was a member of the Nazi SS during World War Two, don’t you.”

VZ: “Yah-yah. I knows, Jeppy. My lipz seal. State secret, you knows. Maybe I talks too much now. Ha! Maybe I have you kilt, Jeppy." [Pause in recording] "Ha-ha! Look at face in mirror. White as sheet. I joke. Cummon. But, hay, you look like good guy.   Lis’en me, I tell you sometinks. Me and Yaro were in same outfit during war. Yah-yah. Is true! We fights Russians. Give 'em bloody noses.”

JN: “But, Mister President, Hunker was is his nineties when he came to Ottawa. You’re much younger, surely, no more than in your mid-forties? How could you have fought together in World War Two? You weren’t even born yet! Am I wrong?"

VZ: "Yah. Very wrongz, Ayy Pease."

JN: "Um. Should we continue, Mister President. What are your thoughts around the peace proposal?"

VZ: "Jeppy, May I call you Jeppy? Jeppy, you be my guest in Presidential Palace. This [He gestures] is House of Ukrainee. Holy place. I have duty to defendz. I also treat guests with great respect. I make law 'bout dat. you seem like good guy, Jeppy. Your Ayy Pease is good guy, too. They give me good news cover. Say nice thing ‘bout me. So, I let you in on state secretz. Turn off record machine and we go for walk, eh?"

JN: [Turns switch on recorder] "It’s off now, Mister President."

VZ: "Why light still green on records thingy, Jeppy?"

JN: "Um. It always does that. I turned it off. What did you want to show me, Mister President?"

VZ: "Let’s go to private part of palace. Quiet there. Hay! You tall one. You know that, Jeppy? How you get so big?" 

JN:" Umm? I jog every day?"

VZ: "You jogz before come here? Hay! You must be tires. Let goes sit down more comfer-tables place. Follow me, Jeppys. That’s it...you follow. Good. Not far. I show you some think. It will knock your hatz off!" [They walk along several hallways and flights of stairs and eventually descend a stair into the lower basement of the palace.]

JN: "Mister President! Where are we going?"

VZ: "We here, Jeppy. See? Come inside. We have drinks. Maybe some coke, eh? Kick backs. Listen tunes. You look so tense, Jeppy. Need relax. Sit in chair. I mix drink. We talk, eh. You like talk, don’t you, Jeppy?" [The President moves to well-stocked bar.]

JN: "Mister President, I don’t kno…"

VZ: "You no sizzy pants like Justin Truesdou are you, Jeppy? [He mixes drinks at a well-stocked bar. “Drinx, Jeppy. Drinx up, my friend.” [The President puts on a mix of Ukrainian folk tunes and the two drink and listen to the soothing melodies.] “Thas’ better, no Jeppy? How you like Ukrainee whiskey? It good stuff, eh? Smooth like baby behind.”

JN: "Mister President, I can hardly feel my lips! They’re numb! My legs, too! They won’t move. Call a doctor Please! Something’s very wrong!”

VZ: "Good-good, Jeppy. You sit there. I talk. Jeppy, what you think when I say I's am one-hundredt-and-fiftys-five-year-old! You believe me, doan you? Just nod if you understands. Or blink eye if nodding too hard. This drink powerful stuff, no? Well, be that as may. Jeppy, I tell you earlier Yaro and me were in same outfit. We dit stuff backs then tha' would blow your mindz! Man, those were days. Hah! Relax Jeppy, you give yourself stroke or somethin’. [Zelensky adjust straps on the hands and legs of the paralyzed AP reporter] Wha' wrong, Jeppy? Cat got your tongues? Ha-ha! So, you ask how can I be so old and look fresh like rosebud? Das long story and you no have much time left. No-no. No tears. Why cry? Anyway, I have tells you quick because the Lord is come soon. Who dat, you ask. If you could ask! Ha-ha! He is my boss and Yaro boss, too. In history, folk call him by many names. He is old-old. He go waaay back, Jeppy. Some say to cavemens time. Old as sin, they say.  Man! Dis  booze is sure good! Anyways, Jeppy, my Lord and many who follow him and works for him in world, they are like a big truck tha' need fuels to run. And to keep our skin soft and bowels clear. And to live long-long time. What fuel, you ask, if you could ask. Why it's you, Jeppy. Our fuel is you. Be happy. It over quick and then you rest. No more worry. Like go on holidayz. I see lines on your forehead, Jeppy. You scared. Don’t be. You just go sleep. Bye-bye. You know, Jeppy, all dis talk of foods make me hungry. Maybe I get Justin to come visit. He has time to spares now. I drain him good this time. I suck his spine and blood till he dry as bone! Ha-ha! Yah sur! His blood is boring, I knowz, but he has nice hair. Very sexy, doan you think? Yeah. I say: 'Why I no have hair like dat?' Jeppyz, I hope your bloods not too dull for our Lord. He cranky when no eat for few months. You want somethink else to drinks? No ruffies this time! I promise. Crosses my heart. No? No matter. We wait. Soon he come.” 

JN: "Uh! uh-uh!" [End of tape.]*

 

 

 

*Transcript of audio recording of unpublished Zelensky interview conducted by Juptor Numtwats (deceased ).

 

 

 

 

TRUMP 2.0 UPDATE #1

 

DOES IT NOT FEEL like a lot more time has passed than two months since Donald Trump regained the presidency of the U.S.? It feels like ages since the “Orange Man” was sworn-in as the 47^th President of the United States inside the Capitol rotunda on a chilly January 20, 2025, in Washington, D.C. He and members of his cabinet have been busy ramping up a war on the “Deep State”, with Trump loyalists picked to head agencies such as the FBI, CIA, Department of Justice, the Pentagon, State Department, etc. The newly-created D.O.G.E. (Department of Government Efficiency) is in the public eye these days, what with billionaire Elon Musk and company opening the books on several agencies and government programmes with an eye on trimming budgets and firing grifters.*

Other policies being enacted domestically, such as new immigration and tariff laws are works in progress, and are promising and concerning  in equal measures. 👉However, Trump’s crack-down on campus protests and social-media posts critical of Israel and its genocidal assault on Gaza is downright worrying as it seems to call into question Americans’ right to free speech, something protected in law and articulated in the nation’s constitution. The First Amendment law was seen, at one time, as a robust defense against censorship in all its forms. Now that protection is called into question. For example, criticizing Israel is seen by more and more authorities and special interest groups as synonymous with antisemitism. Which it is not. Nevertheless, crackdowns on social media posts and pro-Palestine campus demonstrations in the United States have begun inhibiting the free expression of citizen's views on the matter.

👉AS FAR AS Trump’s policy toward Israel is concerned, it does not seem notably different from the Biden administration. Trump negotiated, before he was inaugurated, a ceasefire halting Israel’s bloody genocide and ethnic cleansing of Palestinian Gaza. It was a welcome repast from the previous fifteen months of Israeli bombardments and siege warfare where tens of thousands of Gazans were killed. [The actual figure may be one-hundred-thousand deaths or more. Ed.] Trump could  have, and should have, reined in Israeli PM Netanyahu and his radical government as soon as he took office. Instead, he’s allowed Israeli bombardments to begin again in Gaza. He could, and can, stop the bloodshed by stopping the flow of weapons to Israel. 

 

SINCE last week, hundreds of Palestinians have been killed as Israel, once more, bombs refugee encampments and IDF troops commence their “pinprick” attacks, ostensibly against Hamas militants but, in reality, two-thirds of the deaths have been women and children. Thus, the Trump administration allows the ethnic cleansing of Gaza to continue. History will record Joe Biden’s shameful legacy as a genocide enabler. And it looks like Donald Trump’s legacy will be the same.

👉That's that, then there’s Syria, Lebanon, Jordon, Egypt, Turkey, Yemen, Saudi Arabia, and of course, Iran. It’s a complex stew that seems increasingly on the boil, while Israel stirs the pot. More on the Middle East (or as some now refer to the region, “West Asia”) later.

 

👉In Eastern Europe, one positive initiative from the Trump administration seems to be it’s willingness to enter into a dialogue with Russia, after four years of reckless and criminally inept diplomacy on the part of Joe Biden and his ‘minders’, that refused to even talk with Moscow.

Last week, ceasefire talks between Trump and Putin resulted in a temporary cessation of Russian attacks on Ukraine’s electrical grid¹—really just window dressing and a relatively unimportant concession as winter is over and Ukrainians no longer require grid-electricity to heat their homes. Nevertheless, it’s a beginning, even if this is very early days yet. Folks, Russia is in the driver’s seat. It's winning the war in Ukraine, like it or not. This is something the MSM and those fuktard politicos in Europe and Western capitals (including Canada) can’t seem to wrap their heads around. [Perhaps it’s because they’ve got them up their collective ass. Just sayin’. Ed.] Simply put, Russia wants its legitimate security concerns addressed, namely the existential threat posed by a NATO-armed proxy (Ukraine) on its borders. There are other factors that prompted Putin to launch his “special military operation” in 2022, including the need for a broader security architecture for Europe and Russia that would ensure a secure peace for everybody.

👉IF this is on the agenda, along with nuclear disarmament initiatives—something Trump has mused about publicly—then we might see big changes in international politics.  Stay tuned.  

 

Cheers, Jake. ____________________________________

 

* At first blush it seems like a good thing. For example, D.O.G.E. has closed the books on a program called “USAID” which acted as the soft-power arm of the CIA, funneling billions of dollars globally to promote such things as regime change in places like Ukraine. Recall the Maidan protests there in 2013-14 and the ouster of the democratically  elected president. Billions were slushed from various USAID sub-contractors to achieve what Washington wanted, namely a pro-Western government in Kiev. [Let’s not forget the odious Victoria Nuland—then Deputy US Secretary of State—handing out muffins during the Maidan ‘revolt’, and her later remarks on who to pick for which Ukrainian government post. Election interference? You bet! Ed.] Note that “USAID” does not stand for "United States aid”, as in humanitarian assistance, food programs, etc. Its full name is (or was) the “United States Agency for International Development”. 

A lot of crooked dealings went on under the aegis of the agency. And while Musk may have thrown out the baby with the bathwater in ripping the guts out of the Kennedy-era program—by cancelling some important humanitarian initiatives run by it—the Trump administration’s shuttering the doors on the agency and its many nefarious activities is a win.  I’ll give the Trump/Musk team a tentative A-minus for their efforts.

 

L-R: Zukerberg, Bezos (with babe), Ambani (Google), Musk 

HOWEVER, it is problematic that an unelected individual (Musk) is heading up the operation, with some suggesting it’s akin to having the fox in charge of the hen-house. As Chris Hedges suggests, in his October 24 Sheerpost article, the Trump presidency, by making common cause with the billionaire class, has brought the American body politic to an inflection point whereby elite power is being transferred from corporations to oligarchs. A case in point: The combined net worth of attendees of Donald Trump’s inauguration ceremony is more than one-trillion dollars!

 

“The choice in the elections is between corporate and oligarchic power. Corporate power needs stability and a technocratic government. Oligarchic power thrives on chaos and, as Steve Bannon says, the “deconstruction of the administrative state.” Neither are democratic. They have each bought up the political class, the academy and the press. Both are forms of exploitation that impoverish and disempower the public. Both funnel money upwards into the hands of the billionaire class. Both dismantle regulations, destroy labor unions, gut government services in the name of austerity, privatize every aspect of American society, from utilities to schools, perpetuate permanent wars, including the genocide in Gaza, and neuter a media that should, if it was not controlled by corporations and the rich, investigate their pillage and corruption. Both forms of capitalism disembowel the country, but they do it with different tools and have different goals.”

(Hedges, “The Choice in this Election is between Corporate and Oligarchic Power”)

 

1. Ukraine almost immediately attacked a Russian oil refinery. Russia replied in kind. So, this month-long “ceasefire” may only exist on paper. We’ll see. But it's a start.